Are You a People Pleaser?

 Do you try to help everyone at the expense of your own needs? Do you try to make others happy to avoid confrontation? Do you feel guilty when you put yourself first? If so, you’re a people pleaser.
 
Trying to make others happy at your own expense is a poor way to spend your time and energy. If you’re looking out for everyone else, who has your best interests at heart? You might think you’re trying to be nice, but that’s not the full story.
 
People-pleasers feel a need to make others happy, but the motive isn’t entirely altruistic. People-pleasers are attempting to avoid confrontation. When they do something nice for another person, they feel important and it makes them feel good about themselves. Meanwhile, their own lives are unravelling.
 
People pleasers lose the respect of others. When you don’t respect your time or your needs, no one else will either. You’re training people to treat you badly.
 
Avoid pleasing others and please yourself for a change:
 

1. Realize that’s it’s not important that everyone like you. It’s not even possible. There are people that will never like you. Everyone has their own set of preferences. Understand that some people won’t like you no matter what you do. Guess what? It doesn’t matter.

 

1. Validate yourself. People who try to please everyone are receiving their validation from outside. You don’t need others to make you feel good. Build yourself up. Put your attention on being happy with yourself.
   
   
2. All you have to do is say “no.” With practice, it becomes easier to say no to others and yourself. When you’re asked to do something that you don’t have time to do, say “no.” If someone tries to pressure you into doing something by trying to make you feel guilty or manipulating you, say “no.” When you put pressure on yourself to make others happy, say “no” to yourself. It can be that simple.

 

• When you say “no,” you’re saying “yes” to something else. What are you saying “yes” to? Suppose you don’t want to go out with your coworkers after work. By declining to attend, you’re saying “yes” to spending time with your family, doing something you would like to do, or even catching up on your sleep. It’s your choice!

 

1. Deal with the aftermath. What are the negative consequences you’ll face when you begin to refuse inconvenient or unreasonable requests? From others, you can expect some general negativity. When people are accustomed to controlling you, they won’t give up that control easily. Stand your ground.

 

• You can also expect a negative reaction from yourself - guilt. You’ll get over it quickly. Hang in there.

 

1. Be prepared to lose a few people. There are a few people that may have been pretending to be your friend. Once you stop being so accommodating, they’ll move on. You’re better off without them.  It’s a good weeding out process.

 

• People will begin to have a new level of respect for you, and you’ll attract a new group of friends that bring more to your life.
  

1. Stop apologizing. You don’t have to apologize because your priorities don’t match up with someone else’s. You have the right to prioritize your time as you see fit. Avoid apologizing if you don’t have anything to apologize for.
   
   
2. People-pleasing creates stress. You are more likely to feel stress and guilt when you’re a people-pleaser. You end up doing too much and you’re too concerned about the opinions of others. When you try to do too much and be too much, you’re going to be stressed.

 
What you think you gain from trying to please people, will never outweigh the costs. Learn to get love and validate yourself. You don’t have to please others to feel good about yourself. Stop neglecting yourself and pay attention to your own needs. You deserve as much as anyone else.